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theirs:

notthebatman:

theirs:

a zoo of dogs dressed up as other animals

sounds like a shih tzu

I’m going to kick your ass

(via thedailylaughs)

prettiestcaptain:

I’m having way too much fun with these

(via thedailylaughs)

(Source: c-mines, via thedailylaughs)

Ellen DeGeneres at Tulane’s 2009 Commencement Speech.

(Source: everybodystandsandkeepscore, via thedailylaughs)

murder-myself:

the most emotional post on tumblr

(Source: pizzaland, via thedailylaughs)

February 28, 2013 / Chelsea, NY

(Source: todayisaw, via hotsuburbanmom)

carryonmy-assbutt:

rose-for-a-tenner:

carryonmy-assbutt:

guys what do hostages do if they have to pee really badly

like do the bad guys let you have toilet breaks or escort you to the loo

My cousin was held for 36 hours by the Gulf cartel. He said they were pretty chill about bathroom breaks.

I want more to that story

(via rneerkat)

shoulderblades:

pre10tious:

i just went down the elevator to go to the kitchen to get some more bread sticks and somebody in my family had eaten half of one, then put it back in the box. so mad right now.

ryan did you make this post just to name drop an elevator

(via rneerkat)

society: oh you have your period? well you have two options.
woman: okay.
society: you can use sanitary pads, which make you feel like you are wearing a diaper, and have the added fun benefit of being extremely uncomfortable and give you the extreme paranoia that they will not be enough coverage and at any moment with any movement or sudden sneeze you'll bleed over onto your clothes and walk around all day with blood stained trousers while everyone points and laughs at you.
woman: sounds awful. what's my second option.
society: a penis shaped wad of cotton that you shove uncomfortably inside yourself and it catches the blood before it leaves your body.
woman: still seems pretty awful.
society: wait! it gets better! there's the outside chance that using those will kill you!
woman: well, are they at least free? like how men can have access to free condoms? i mean, it's not like i'm choosing for this to happen.
society: HAHAHA! that's funny. no, you have to pay for them. and they're really fucking expensive.
woman:
society: oh, and if you tell anyone that you ARE on your period, your judgement, opinions, and reactions are going to be dismissed as the crazy ramblings of a lunatic.
woman:
society:
woman: i think i'll go with my third option.
society:
woman:
society: what third option?
woman: i think i'll bleed on everything you love.

thepondsaregone:

thorinoakenbutt:

castielandpie:

poryqon:

it bothers me that Kansas and Arkansas are not pronounced the same

I’m from the UK and I have been pronouncing Arkansas as Ar-Kansas my whole life

For all my non-american friends, Arkansas is pronounced ark-an-saw

WHAT

(via thedailylaughs)

nashaawest:

hellojoeyyy:

Rosetta Stone

My heart broke into tiny pieces when I read the Rosetta Stone tweet.

(Source: bzfd.it, via bieksasjuice)

If I ever met a famous person. 

"Is… is that?? OH MY GOD IT IS!"

(via thedailylaughs)

fuckyeahfoodninja:

I can’t choose which one is more me

(via thedailylaughs)